apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
