Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
