I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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