so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
