As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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