So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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