ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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