i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
