why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
