I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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