I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
