i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
