Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
