I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
