i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
