I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
