Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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