At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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