Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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