Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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