there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My liver just had a heart attack.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
