Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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