i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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