matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
