i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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