Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
