Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
