i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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