I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
