Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
