I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
