Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
