he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
