Please, let me fuck your mom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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