I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
