Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
