I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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