He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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