Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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