I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
