looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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