You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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