Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
