this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
