glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
