wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
