she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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