Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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