were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
