Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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