I just made out with a guy for $7.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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