On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
