Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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