Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
