are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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