at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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