1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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