i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
