Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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