Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
