Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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