i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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