everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
