Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
