She went from zero to smokin in five shots
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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