i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
